Haha yeah, was kidding. Regarding the phone though, I thought you meant Sky Customer Services would simply be awkward in saying I'm tied in with their contract now - I hadn't considered the technical implications... Might be worth giving them a call tomorrow to enquire about worst case scenario.
R0NSKI - I haven't checked out the cabinet yet, I actually thought my cabinet was somewhere else until the map pinpointed it! Going to swing by over the weekend and see what's up.
Thanks for everyone's help

. I'll be disappointed if Fibre is definitely a no-go, but it's not the end of the world. I get a consistent 7mb and I know there are people A LOT worse off with their connections... Still, would be a shame being in an enabled area without it... So close yet so far!