Or maybe had you not responded at all since you appear incapable of useful input to my query
So, what you need is a 'network rearrangement' these are sometimes done for larger groups served by EO cables.
You mention that you are the only one in the vicinity NOT served by the cab 500m away. Also You say the cable goes UG once it leaves your land.
So in terms of new cable, just back from the first UG box by your land to the first joint served by a D side from the cabinet, (this is sometimes referred to as a'strap' in the trade) then a couple of joints fitted, and then you'll need an E-sde to said cab *....... Once this rearrangement is complete, and records updated,
then you can order from your choice of FTTC suppliers.
As said, by others, new cabinets and network rearrangements are sometimes funded by local BDUK schemes. If just for your line alone, who should pay for this to be done, and how will they see return on their investment if you yourself don't finance it ?
and a lack of a sense of humour!
.... I have a sense of humour, it's just you haven't said anything funny.
* Still no need for soldering, gun wrapping, oxygen acetylene, mig welding, required in any of this though.