I'll be ringing EE/Orange on Monday, hopefully speaking to an English person and not a call centre in India. Here are some more awful stats. (The time connected doesn't relate to the LOS Defects)

Broadband Type: ADSL
Broadband State: Connected
Internet State: Connected
Time Connected: 02:56:20
Downstream Rate: 4539kbps
Upstream Rate: 440kbps
ADSL STATUS

This page shows information about your ADSL connection if applicable.

Status
Configured Current
Line Status --- SHOWTIME
Link Type --- Interleaved Path
Operation Mode G992.5(ADSL2+) G992.5(ADSL2+)
Data Rate Information
Stream Type Actual Data Rate
Upstream 440 (Kbps.)
Downstream 4539 (Kbps.)
Defect/Failure Indication
Operation Data Upstream Downstream
Noise Margin 31.0 dB 7.4 dB
Line Attenuation 21.7 dB 37.0 dB
Indicator Name Near End Indicator Far End Indicator
Output Power 12.6 dBm 0.0 dBm
Fast Path FEC Correction NA NA
Interleaved Path FEC Correction 123016 0
Fast Path CRC Error NA NA
Interleaved Path CRC Error 22 0
Loss of Signal Defect 451 0
Fast Path HEC Error STR NA NA
Interleaved Path HEC Error 159 0
Error Seconds 10771 755
Statistics
Received Cells 31723996
Transmitted Cells 7115356