This should help explain the different configurations:
http://support.apple.com/kb/TA38571

1. I know it's not helpful but I can do this with mine - from one iTunes library on the Mac Pro I can initiate a movie stream via Apple TV interface and then back on iTunes itself, initiate another stream (audio) to the Airport Express (and vice versa). It also works for as many computers as there are devices to stream to. Maybe you have a network issue - I've given all my devices a static (local) IP address.

2. Yep that's right you can't control Apple TV from iTunes but you can select it as an AirTunes device (audio only).

3. Press and hold Menu on the remote for about 6 seconds for standby mode. I tend to turn off the power rather than stand by.

Tip: Genius will significantly increase the time ATV is ready to stream on start-up. Turning Genius off requires you to log-in to your iTunes Store account.

PS I have the opposite problem to you - all my remotes control all my devices at once - it's impossible to allocate a remote to a single device, the preferences just don't stick. When i want to increase the volume on ATV, I end up having the Macbook Air & Apple HiFi respond as well not to mention any friends that might be in the vicinity or maybe eyeTV on the iMac, it can be chaos

Edited by deleted (Mon 12-Jan-09 20:21:25)

Ta for the link- it's for v1.x and mine's v2.2, but still handy

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I've given all my devices a static (local) IP address.

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Ah, mine are dynamic but they don't need to be. I'll give that a try tomorrow.

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you can't control Apple TV from iTunes

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Thought so

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Press and hold Menu on the remote for about 6 seconds for standby mode.

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Just tried it- doesn't work on mine . Turning the power off requires too much grovelling around behind things

Genius is well and truly off here, I hate "helpful" computers

I think v1.x is the latest support page, at least the menu options are the same. I'm running 2.x same as you

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Maybe you have a network issue

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I think you're right, switching to fixed IPs didn't make any difference.

Don't know where to look next, I'm not a networking expert... any suggestions?

This is weird... I can run iTunes on the iMac, a MacBook and a Vista laptop... I get different resuts on all three, and also on any one of them depending on the order I do things!

Of the three, the Vista one seems the best behaved so far

And to cap it all, both Macs have started recognising the Apple TV remote but ignoring the one that came with the iMac

edit- Remotes sorted, the battery on the old one was low... I replaced it only a month ago

Edited by billford (Tue 13-Jan-09 17:34:11)

Can you describe the set up - Router + ATV + AEX how do they all connect?

iMac, static IP, wired ethernet to router (3Com 3CRWDR101A-75)

ATV, static IP, wireless 802.11g

AEX, static IP, wireless 802.11g

MacBook, dynamic IP, wireless 802.11g

Vista laptop, dynamic IP, wireless 802.11g

I've also tried the iMac on wireless, no change.

If I'm playing a movie from the iMac I can stream sound to the AEX from the Macbook from it's own library, but if I access the shared iMac library over the LAN it then can't find the AEX, even if I go back to the local library.

I'm limited on what I can try on the Vista laptop, but it seems to work regardless.

To me, it points to a problem on the iMac, but I'm prepared to be wrong

When the AEX doesn't show, does it respond to ping?

Just a note- there's nothing untoward in the router log.

Well, nothing I can blame on the ATV anyway

Yes:

PING 192.168.1.40 (192.168.1.40): 56 data bytes

64 bytes from 192.168.1.40: icmp_seq=0 ttl=255 time=68.697 ms

64 bytes from 192.168.1.40: icmp_seq=1 ttl=255 time=39.241 ms

64 bytes from 192.168.1.40: icmp_seq=2 ttl=255 time=38.790 ms

64 bytes from 192.168.1.40: icmp_seq=3 ttl=255 time=38.271 ms

64 bytes from 192.168.1.40: icmp_seq=4 ttl=255 time=45.264 ms