So my plan was to get a mikrotik crs 309 8 port sfp+ switch/mini router and a 4 port version with an asus router for the wifi and ont input. the lan was to have about 3 vlans. I had planed for 3 to 5 pcs with 10gb sfp+ nics ..
You are correct that the CRS309 will be terrible as a router. It has a dual core 800MHz MIPS CPU - the same as the $50 hEX router.
However for layer 2 only it will be fine, as it switches in hardware (check the
Block Diagram under "Support & Downloads") and you can have a separate box as a router as you suggest. You can choose that depending on how much external routing and/or inter-VLAN routing throughput you need.
The RB5009 has a fairly decent 4-core ARM CPU, and one 10G and one 2.5G port. If you use the 2.5G for WAN, and trunk the 10G into a switch, it should suit you well.
The
CCR2004-1G-12S-2XS+ is a one-box solution which is just within your price range. However it doesn't have a built-in switch chip, just port expanders, so even switching will be done in the CPU.
I would forget about bonding 2 x 10G to get 20G. The load balancing algorithm will use a hash of source/destination IP, port and/or MAC address. For a single bulk stream, it will likely all be sent down one link.
For a sophisticated setup like you are proposing, I'd strongly suggest you go for separate wireless APs like Unifi U6-Lite, rather than a combo router+wireless.
For my much smaller network I have the RB4011 and am very happy with it. However, I found that the PoE Out on port 10 doesn't seem to be enough to power my Unifi AC Lites. I connect them to a hEX PoE instead, and they work fine there.